Milestone of the 7,000

*Book Launch celebrating 12 years of Dads For Life and the publication of the manuscript documenting the National Fathering movement in Singapore: Elijah 7,000 Movement: Our Father’s Stories in the lives of men; Forward by Jason Wong (2021).

This is a book on the Malachi Mandate* and also a milestone in Singapore’s national fathering movement that speaks to the congregation of the Elijah-fathers (and mothers) that we seek to be, as we pass the baton to our Elisha-sons (and daughters).

All of us have had our secret histories that are part of God’s flight school for ministry “test-pilots” in the experience-of-a-lifetime called “monogamy” here in Singapore under the Women’s Charter, ie, of one Adam in union with one, and only one Eve.

Not every pilot survives the unique pressures that married life imposes witnessed by the recent amendments to the Women’s Charter, ie “divorce by mutual agreement” (DMA), which enables couples to take joint responsibility for the breakdown of their marriage. The remnant of marriages that are still intact among husband and wife teams of all races, colours, and creeds in Singapore is testimony of the invisible finger of God that is upon everyone having to engage married life, “for better for worse, in sickness in health, for richer for poorer, ‘til death us do part”**

Marriage and all it entails in the vortex of home and business, the swirling of personal and financial pressures, the expectations of bringing up junior, the care for the aged, the transience of happiness exacerbated by the months of cloister and abstinence from social interaction has taken quite a burdensome and epic toll on the Singapore family. But we have survived, if only just.

Historically, married fathers in high-G pressure-cookers like Singapore have been shaped, often deformed, sometimes destroyed by these forces and a multiplicity of demands upon the “reverence, reciprocity and mutual thriving” (Glenda Eoyang) that marriage under the Women’s Charter promises.

This is why I have chosen to describe the experience of fathering in a monogamous setting to be likened to that of a test-pilot of a very expensive jet aircraft like the F-35 or the Apache helicopter requiring years of training, tradition and a little raw talent. The idea of getting into the cockpit together with an equally gifted pilot but with a completely different modality, outlook and training may be one of life’s greatest challenges and we want to celebrate this missional bond that is also an adventure and an achievement for everyone thus committed at the joining of water, blood and spirit.

Pilot overload - what is “task saturation” and what does that entail in the pilots, whether male or female, in the experience of monogamy?

“Task saturation is a common challenge that occurs in many professions, but in the aviation world, it can be particularly dangerous. In fact, the National Business Aviation Association ranks task saturation, or pilot overload, as one of its top 10 safety concerns.

“As task saturation increases, performance decreases. Therefore, when experiencing task overload, pilots are more likely to make errors, which can escalate the threat of loss of control.”

In the final analysis, only God can provide you a wife (co-pilot) and only God can protect you from her. She is your perfect helper and your perfect enemy. Her address is: “Eye of the storm”. Live with her and there is perfect calm. Go outside and enter the perfect storm.

Go outside the marriage for satisfaction and she will be the devil and hell and your worse nightmare. Then, to you, she will be the angel of death, a pandemic of COVID, swine fever, ebola and the Asian tsunami all rolled into one.

You will buy her flowers every Friday because she will teach you how to live upright. Resist her ways and she will cut her hair, put on a heavy metal jacket, call in the Army, Navy, Air Force…

There are good and bad “landings”, everyone executes the flight plan of marriage differently, there are storms that you’ll try to fly around, many that you’ll have no choice but to fly through, sometimes with an engine on fire, or two or three – sometimes flying with instruments only, blind and in the middle of a typhoon with lights flashing everywhere on the dash. It’s not the storm outside that kills but the storm inside the cockpit of your mind that requires the utmost of calm to still the raging heart.

This … is Monogamy, and this is the first rule of marriage, a steady hand on the yoke, to fly the plane and take back responsibility for the lives of everyone on the flight deck including and especially the children.

** The oldest standard wedding vows can be traced back to, at least, the Book of Common Prayer, by Thomas Cranmer, Archbishop of Canterbury 1549

About the author: Red dot Singapore is where Gerard calls home now after years of trauma from being raised in a third culture context (6 different schools on 4 continents) but sees his citizenship now among the corporate body of gifted individuals where Jesus is known and loved, both on and offline.